is it stupid? oh yeah. is it natural? it could be natural. Soooooo Jill, Odie and I are watching season 1 of Supernatural. YOU ALL KNOW WHERE THIS LEADS.
"I like how he's burly
and pretty."
"Which one?"
"Blondie, I assume? Sam ain't burly."
*several minutes later*
"...Blondie? He's not blond!"
"Yeah, I... I just realized that."
"Don't go to the bathrooooooom."
"Poop outsiiiiiiide!"
"Words Dean loves to hear!"
"WOULD SOMEONE CUT THAT CHILD'S HAIR."
"This is a frequent problem on this show, I'm sorry to tell you. Children who deeply need haircuts."
"That's almost a form of child abuse!"
"CUT IT, THEY'LL GET SNOT IN IT. CHILDREN ARE AWFUL."
"You are too old to be that androgynous."
"Or... too young."
"There's a time in a child's life when you should be able to look at them and know. Then they can go back to being ambiguous. This is what I believe."
"God dammit, woman, we said poop outside!"
"...She's going to poop in the tub??"
"I hope not, this is a family show."
"He had these eyes..."
"Eyes?!"
"These black eyes..."
"Black eyes?"
"Black guys?"
"On a plane?!"
"GASPPPP"
"She'll flinch at the name of God."
"God, I need a drink!"
"Jesus, thank you for giving me one."
"Praise Allah!"
"Yahweh...taminute. ...No, that didn't work."
"So God is not your copilot, is what you're saying?"
"But why did the holy water eat through his shirt?"
"His shirt was also possessed."
"That was a different demon. A shirt demon."
"God hates cotton-poly blends."
"Oh, Dean."
"He pooped inside."
"That's when the demons come!"
"When you poop?! Noooooo!"
"Inside."
"Well, this explains all those older lady booty calls Dean's been getting."
"He wasn't looking that gift horse in the mouth, but."
"More like a gift cougar. Rrowr."
"WOULD EVERYONE STOP SAYING CANDLE JACK"
"Everyone stop having so many decorative mirrors in their houses!"
"Oh no, murdered to Fall Out Boy."
"An ignoble fate."
"It's how I assume I'll go."
"They found her on the bathroom floor."
"Once again we're back to pooping outside!"
"Every culture in the world has a myth about pooping outside!"
"Does a Dean Winchester shit in the woods?"
"o/~ The first of May, the first of May, outdoor poopin' starts today... o/~"
[IT JUST GETS FUNNIER TO US THE MORE TIMES WE SAY IT OK]
"Sam is not Princess Glitterboots, although it would be fun to see Gerard Way ride him."
"Yeah, I got no problem with that at all."
"...Was that a monstrance or a lamp?"
"You're a monstrance!"
"I don't even know what that is! ...Besides you."
"It's one of these, bitches!"
"Oh. ...It was probably a lamp."
"Knowing these guys?"
"They're in a hotel!"
"Unless they brought their own. Have Catholic supplies, will travel!"
"What, a jaunty travel monstrance?"
"From REI!"
"Smash anything that moves."
"That's his motto!"
"It's on his business cards."
"That and 'poop outside.'"
"First smash, then poop!"
"That's very important. Do not get those mixed up. TRUST US."
Twitchy mirror girl attack!
"You guys, have you heard of this movie, it's from Japan???"
"Rashomon?"
"...Yes, that one."
"I do enjoy how this series is all like, 'I SURE HOPE WE SOLVE THIS MYSTERY!'"
"Press A, Sam!"
"ZOMBIES IN THE ROOM, SAM!"
"THEY KILLED YOUR FAMILY!"
"
Dogs can have a keen sense for the supernatural. Maybe Fido saw something."
"Let's dress up like dogs and ask him!"
"Shit, I would pay to see that. ... ... ...I mean, I'm not a furry! You're a furry."
"
You know, a lot of cultures believe that a photograph can catch a glimpse of the soul."
"A lot of cultures believe that you can Photoshop anything. Sam."
"MAKE OUT."
"Happy ending!"
"Yeah, the last 35 minutes of the episode are just the same Asian dude making out with himself."
"FUCK YEAAAAAAAAH"
"Highest-rated episode ever."
Sam goes through garbage cans.
"Hmm, sandwich!"
"Well, there's another way to go. Down."
"Dean is an expert on going ... "
"Going down, yes."
"No, the pause was important!"
"HOOK MAN SAYS NO"
"HOOK MAN DISAPPROVES OF SIGNAGE."
"Nine mile road? More like -- ... "
"...You got nothing, huh."
"Yeah, I was hoping something would come to me."
"None of these children have ever been to Snopes, this is all completely new to them."
"'On Snopes it was a dog!'"
"Next video game crossover: Metal Gear."
"Every culture in the world has a myth about genome soldiers!"
"Every culture in the world has a myth about fighting shirtless on top of a giant robot."
"My god, it's true!"
"You can't let this keep you down! Get back out there and be a slut! Like meeeee!"
"We can't be interracial best buds if you're not a slut!"
"*sigh* I'll try, Chocolate Bear."
"Originally this show was called Snopesernatural."
"No, no, if you're killiing prostitutes, it should always be a prime number. ... ... What?"
"More like... prostitute mile road!"
"...Shut up."
"Oh yeah, that payoff was a looooong time coming."
"Don't go through her underwear drawer."
"Sam's like, why would I do that? I don't need her underwear!"
"It wouldn't even fit!"
"He's like a giant, so I'm assuming the average panty would make it up to, like... mid-thigh."
"My hips are much shapelier than hers!"
"Like, one pair for each ball."
"...That is a piquant image."
"We rehearsed this!!"
"All those years of synchronized swimming, finally paying off."
"You throw me the idol, and I'll throw you the whip!"
"I know, we're leaving town."
"No, I ... I was going to say don't leave town."
"But now you've made it awkward, I feel weird."
"Yeah, I don't know how to do it now without looking dumb. I... I need to talk to my therapist."
"They gave him a gender-ambiguous name because it wasn't clear at first."
"Some trouble, ah, descending."
"Yeah, Sam was born with vague genitalia."
"Any of this blowing up your skirt?"
"...What?"
"Your skirt. You have one. Because you're a lady."
"What? Why would you say that?"
"Because you have a vagina. I saw it. ...It was on your birth certificate."
"Yeah, you should really clean it off."
"Some doctors wrote some really interesting papers! On the subject of your vagina. ... There was a Lifetime movie! About the question of your vagina. The Question of Sam's Vagina. .. It starred Meredith Baxter-Birney. ... ... *whispered* As your vagina. ... ... I went to a place."
"
I carried you out the front door."
"Did I write something sexy about that?"
"...He was a baby! That's not sexy!"
"That wasn't sexy, his genitalia were still ambiguous."
"Dean likes 'em ambiguous."
"He likes them rigidly defined."
"Emphasis on rigid."
"And emphasis on defined! So really, everything's emphasized."
"Doesn't this always happen to the girl?"
"The tentacle-rape? Yeah."
"Oh no, is he going to get a plug stuck up his butt?"
"Heh, a butt-plug."
"Yeah, and then the lamp lit up! It was weird!"
"You know, maybe what's-his-face just doesn't know how to act... familial affection. It just, you know, gets weird every time."
"Yeah, you're probably right. He just sort of gives everyone bedroom eyes."
"You know what this makes me think of? Remember that time we talked about your vague genitalia?"
"Vaguely!"
"GOOD ONE"
"They do stay in sexy hotels!"
"They only ever use one bed. ...No, that is untrue."
"Dean sleeps just in boxers, and Sam sleeps macho. ...That is when he just wears a t-shirt, also known as 'shirt-cocking.'"
"Together they make one naked man, and one sort-of clothed one!"
"They only have one set of pajamas, they just split it."
"Shirt-cocking is a hilarious word. Not attractive, though."
"No, not on dudes. Super-hot on ladies, but on dudes..."
"On dudes it just looks like a two-year-old running away from a diaper change. WHEEEEEEEE!"
"That is Dean's character note."
"What, two-year-old running away from a diaper change? ...because he wants to POOP OUTSIDE!"
"Yeah, Dean's my favorite."
"We seem to be Team Dean, on this couch."
"Let's get shirts made!"
"...But no pants."
"Show me your RAGE!"
"Fortunately he doesn't turn into a sexy girl who tries to choke Dean."
"Because he would totally fall for that."
"Yeah, he'd just unzip his pants."
"There goes your life bar, Dean!! ...if you know what I mean."
"See?!"
"I made my comment based on fact. Shirt-cocking."
"Sleeping macho."
"...Wait, does he have a unicorn on his shirt?!"
*we have to pause*
*sadly, it was just a dog*
"Sleeping macho!"
"It looks like they both are today."
"Oh, they are! It caught on!"
"You're a priest, you're not supposed to eat wieners!"
"Yeah, that's like the first rule."
"No it's not."
"It's, believe in God... don't eat wieners."
"...So it's the second rule."
"Can we talk to you outside?"
"Outside... so it must be about pooping."
"You ever been on a proper pooping trip, son?"
"Let the priests show you."
"I... can't write that down."
"It's not racist, it's funny!"
"IT COULD BE BOTH."
"Too true!"
[NOTE: NO, KIDS. NO IT COULDN'T. STAY IN SCHOOL.]
"Oh, in the closet and having visions of your brother. The jokes write themselves!"
"That is an awesome hotel."
"It's like the hotel at the end of The Hole, actually."
"Oh, yeah, with the goat!"
"Now there's a crossover."
"You know what happens when you split the party, boys!"
"Sam gets kidnapped. ...OH NO, SPOILEEEEERRS. Yeah, here's your spoiler for the rest of the series: SAM GETS KIDNAPPED."
"He's just a little girl~!"
"You shouldn't be gay for yourself, Dean."
"Dean is nothing if not gay for himself."
seconds later"...You just wanted me to write that down because you wanted my cocoa."
"Your alarm's about as useful as boobs on a man."
"I don't know, that sounds pretty useful."
"Dean looks at Sam's chest, sighs."
"Someday. We'll find a genie."
"Just keep putting estrogen in his food."
"Bitchberg?! Don't go to Bitchberg!"
"It's Dean's hometown."
"...Who are you kidding, it's Sam's hometown."
"...Yeah."
"That sign should be vandalized constantly."
"It already has been! Normally it says the right name of the town."
"Yeah, and now it says Fitchberg. Psht."
"You know I'm not stupid."
"But you're not bright either."
"MILK!!!!"
"MY ONE WEAKNESS! HOW DID YOU KNOOOOW"
"And fix that crucifix!"
"That's not a crucifix."
"She's blind!"
"...Then how does she know it's upside down?"
"Because people keep thinking she's a witch!"
Dean and Sam watch a child's bedroom
"...It looked for a second like Dean was eating popcorn."
"'I love this show!'"
"DEAN."
"Baaaaaaaaaanned."
"Now we're gonna leave and you can explain this to your mom."
"Yeah, have fun."
"Bye!"
"There are lots of shell casings and broken stuff lying around... but that's normal for when you leave, right, Mom? ...I fixate on dumb things. Like that Dean just put the keys to the trunk in the trunk."
"That's not going to work, you guys. Why didn't you just bring the whole frame?"
"It's heavy! We had to jump over stuff!"
"Sam. I hear your vagina talking."
"It's got sand in it."
"Whoa. WHOA. Whoooa."
"
So we need to know everything about that creepy-ass family in that creepy-ass painting."
"I moved around the hyphens and it was funnier."
"Heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. ...... Oh, nothing, I'm just reading the Wikipedia entry on 'cock throwing'."
"Well, this is so not titillating."
"Yeah, now we're both just covered in ketchup."
"I'm so unaroused, I"m still thinking about secondary sets of teeth... and katakana tattoos that make no sense... and why Dean threw the keys to the trunk in the trunk!"
"
At some point, I stopped being your father. I became your--"
"Grandfather! ...It was complicated."
"She is! She's a blonde Romulan!"
"A blondeulan."
"I just like that as soon as I said that, you were both like, 'Of course!'"
"Great, now we're at war with Romulus."
"Not again!"
"Aren't we in the neutral zone?"
"Dean wouldn't know what to do with a home."
"Or school."
"He poops outside!"
"Man, I bet he does. He poops outside all the time. Underneath the tray of guns in the trunk is just a giant roll of toilet paper."
"Thing of hand sanitizer..."
"The road emergency kit, if you know what I mean."
"He also has flares he puts out! So no one comes near."
"Poop-flares! ...I'M SORRY, THE WORD POOP IS FUNNY."
"There's only four of these in the world."
"So don't eat them."
"I said don't!"
"That's why you can't just keep them in an Altoids tin. Dean wouldn't know the difference."
"Mm, curiously strong!"
"And everything comes down to poop again."
Odie comes back from the bathroom."Did Dean do his really gay thing yet?"
"What, taking a baby?"
"Existing?"
"No, his really gay thing with the gun."
"What, licking it? I don't know what you're talking about."
a certain character appears onscreen, not dead yet"...Oh, no, he didn't, never mind."
"I may be blind, but I can still see storm's a-brewin'!"
"Bobby does sort of fulfill the 'Toots' role in this show."
"Well, he's clearly Sam and Dean's blind foster grandpa."
"
You kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"I'll kiss
your mother with that mouth! ..This mouth. Shit!"
"Rrgh! I had that one!"
spreadeagled Jeffrey Dean Morgan tied to a bed!"Show? Show. I wonder about you, show."
"It's a little gay. It's, it's experimenting!"
"It's at that stage of its life, I guess."
"Every show goes through a period, usually late in its first season..."
"Dean's like, I've had this dream. I don't want to talk about it."
"Why did I bring it up? Fuck!"
"Okay, don't say everything you think. ...Shit!"
"And he might be possessed, say 'Cristo.'"
"Whisper it in his ear."
"You do it, Dean."
"Wh-why would you assume I want to do it??"
"...Sam, you can stop dribbling on your father's chest now."
"EVERYTHING HAS JUST GONE WRONG HERE."
"This happens every Thanksgiving!"
"Everyone died, the end!"
"Yup, spoilers! Season 2 is all just clip shows."
Current Mood:
enthralledCurrent Music: Richard Swift - Mexico